Last week was pretty fucking horrible, and I suspect it might only be getting worse.

Talked to my therapist on Monday about everything that this time of year (not so much November as December, and all of the usual Decemberness) does to me mentally and emotionally. What came out is a lot of hatred and distrust for my parents, because of the things that they have done in the past, and are still doing now. It's left me feeling very raw and rather broken, and I'm worried that I won't get through to the end of the year without either breaking completely or doing something extremely unsafe.

There have been some highlights... such as being there to witness the transgender flag being raised in Bristol, although that came with some painful emotions of never even thinking that such a thing would happen, let alone me being alive to see it...

And I won my first game of Mahjong on Tuesday. Although I was definitely feeling the emotional meltdown that was still happening from my therapy appointment, and also trying to not have a panic attack. I avoided that, at least...