Seven months ago I moved across an ocean to take a post-doc position that was supposed to be awesome and full of good science and chances for me to expand my horizons and jump start my career. And what seemed at first to be amazing has turned into a miserable hellhole with a capricious, micro-managing, emotionally abusive supervisor who terrorizes her lab group in a place where the scientific reputation is significantly better than the quality of the actual science. And even as I formulate an escape plan (with help from an awesome support network back home) I'm still paralyzed in indecision of what staying/leaving choice will fuck me over the least.
And people keep telling me over and over to not take it personally (when my supervisor yells at me or implies I'm stupid or lazy or makes it clear over and over and over she has no interest in fulfilling any part of her job as mentor) because she treats everyone this way and it's not just me. But...that doesn't make it okay. And 8 years ago I barely survived an incredibly toxic work environment and I'm just barely holding myself together with willpower and spit and bailing wax and every trick my therapist taught me. I don't know how to not take it personally. Sometimes I think I can stick this out until my escape plan activates and some days I look at how miserable I am and look at how my contract claims I need to give 3 month's notice and I get so scared this place is going to make me suicidal.
But in two weeks I get to go home for a month and see lots of friends and family and, most importantly, not be here. I can make it two weeks.
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branchandroot
no subject
Date: 2014-11-22 03:17 pm (UTC)And people keep telling me over and over to not take it personally (when my supervisor yells at me or implies I'm stupid or lazy or makes it clear over and over and over she has no interest in fulfilling any part of her job as mentor) because she treats everyone this way and it's not just me. But...that doesn't make it okay. And 8 years ago I barely survived an incredibly toxic work environment and I'm just barely holding myself together with willpower and spit and bailing wax and every trick my therapist taught me. I don't know how to not take it personally. Sometimes I think I can stick this out until my escape plan activates and some days I look at how miserable I am and look at how my contract claims I need to give 3 month's notice and I get so scared this place is going to make me suicidal.
But in two weeks I get to go home for a month and see lots of friends and family and, most importantly, not be here. I can make it two weeks.